of guppy lips and other news

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Sorry, Jess, but these illustrate my point perfectly.

guppy lips

You Galena Park girls might want to pay special attention to this one.

Walter and Lurlene Sue arrived at the campground about twenty minutes after all the work was done. I’d be willing to bet that they hunker down in the trees and watch me to make sure that everything is done before they drive up. Once is a coincidence, every time they visit seems like good planning or close observation.

I’d already started the campfire so that we would have a good bed of coals in time to cook supper. Walter pulled up a chair and passed out the Red Man and some ice cold Cokes. Ain’t Leo passed on the Red Man, but the rest of us enjoyed it. Especially Lurlene Sue. I swear that girl can cram a wad of Red Man the size of a softball in her jaw.

Ain’t Leo asked if Walter and I would take Lil Harry for a walk while she and Lurlene Sue prepped supper and had some girl talk. Probably comparing notes on Fifty Shades of Gray. Being good men folk, we circled the park letting Lil Harry autograph every bush and clump of Spanish moss he could find while we caught up on business from World Headquarters of the World Problem Solution Society and Coffee Klatch.

Walter plopped down in his chair and grabbed his abandoned Coke and took a deep swig. He immediately launched out of the chair like a Titan rocket and howled like a gray wolf. When his hand reflexively crushed the can, a yellow jacket popped out of the opening and began to circle the rim. Evidently he’d been backing up when Walter took a drink. Either that or he was ticked off because it was a Diet Coke instead of the real thing.

Within seconds Walter’s kisser began to take on the shape and proportions of a teenage girl’s Facebook post. You know – the Trouty Mouth thing. Jessie, I know you’ll get this one.

He surveyed the damage in the side mirror on his old slant-six Dodge. He looked over his shoulder and said, “Yak, I got me an idea.”

When Walter gets an idea it can be a beautiful and dangerous thing, but I’ll be the first to admit that he always tries to make lemonade out of the lemons that come his way.

“Now you know that me and Lurlene Sue is holistic and natural medicine practitioners. We been wantin’ to add a line of beauty products to our line and this looks like it may be just the thing. Don’t you think I look just like one of them girls on the cover of the Enquirer? It only took a second and didn’t require any of that plasticy surgery.”

He turned and bellowed at the camper, “Hey, Lurlene Sue! C’mere and take a look it at this. I think we hit the jackpot!”

I spent the rest of the evening listening to the pair discuss the best ways to farm yellow jackets and milk them for their venom. My only assignment is to find a delivery method that is a little less traumatic and that doesn’t require licensing fees paid to Coca Cola.

—000—

soup’s on

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Ain’t Leo and Lurlene Sue whipped up this soup while Walter and I discussed wasp wrangling. It has smoked venison sausage, whole baby red potatoes, corn on the cob, carrots, onions,  a can of pinto beans, garlic, Rotel tomatoes, green peppers and yellow peppers. Don’t forget to add a couple of ladles of  sliced jalapenos.

IMG_1126We plopped it into a bed of fresh coals and let it simmer with the lid on for about an hour or so until the taters were soft and the corn on the cob was tender. I suppose you non-stalkers could use regular store bought smoked sausage, but there is nothing better than any kind of Bambi on the campfire.

We wrapped a loaf of garlic bread in some tin foil and set it on the coals for a few minutes just before the soup was ready to serve. We rolled it around a few time to make sure it got good a crusty. Yum!

Nothing better than a good, hot campfire soup when the South Texas temperatures plunge into the low 70s.

—000—

for gallantry in the face of extreme odds

HeroSaturday night I was sitting by the campfire and staring into the flames when I heard a loud rushing noise in the leaves behind me. Temporarily blinded by the flames, I couldn’t see what was coming at me. Lil Harry leapt from my lap and, with no thought to his personal safety, he closed with and engaged a platoon sized element of man-eating armadillos. While I felt around for my walking staff, Lil Harry repeatedly charged the leading ‘dillo, driving him back time after time.

I finally found my walking staff and chained Lil Harry to my chair while I herded the offending armadillos back into the woods. We both came through the incident without wounds, but it could have turned out much differently without the selfless intervention of my well trained canine companion.

—000—

check your deodorant

IMG_1129I went outside Sunday morning to have a cup of coffee after the little thunderstorm that blew through just before dawn. I’m sure you are all familiar with the feeling that someone is watching you. I looked around to see if one of my camping neighbors had come calling, but the site was empty except for me and my coffee mug.

IMG_1131When I leaned back in my recliner I looked to my left and found the culprits. A flock of black vultures (identified by my camping neighbor, a veterinarian). I was camped in Buzzard Central. Three trees at the back of our campsite was home to more than sixty of the critters.

I was going to go back into the camper and put on some fresh deodorant, but the neighbor assured me that this species does not track by smell. They are sight hunters. She assured me that I could stink as much as I wanted to as long as I didn’t remain motionless for too long. How would you like to wake up from a nap with a couple of these perched on your chest?

The most interesting part for me was watching their morning ritual. They would shake their wings after the night’s rain and then face into the wind with their wings outstretched. Sometimes they would remain in that position for up to a half-hour. Then they would launch from their perch and ride the thermals above the campground.

The overall critter count went something like this:

  • buzzards: 60+
  • deer: 1 tiny yearling doe
  • armadillos: 1 platoon
  • coyotes: 1 that we saw (several that we heard)
  • owls: 2 that we heard
  • redheaded woodpeckers: 2

Walter told me that the owl’s call can be interpreted as, “Who! Who, who! Who the poop are youuuuuuuu!” I suppose that’s better than some I’ve heard.

—000—

rv tip

IMG_1112Saw this one a while back and thought I would share it with you.

I like keeping the site shipshape which is one of the reasons I like the permanently wired shore power cable on our rig. We can reel out just the amount of cable we need. Now we can do the same with our water hose.

I picked up a cable reel from Home Depot for $4.99. It is just the right size to hold a 25′ fresh water hose. All I did was leave about two feet of supply side hanging through one of the holes so that the reel can be placed below the faucet. Then I just unroll enough to reach the connector on the camper. When I’m finished, the hose rolls back up and you can connect the two ends together to prevent contamination.

—000—

merry christmas from the road

On a final note, let me wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

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