karma like a pit bull

knee-surgery-cartoonIt’s been a great day here at Headquarters of the World Problem Solution Society and Coffee Klatch. We just finished erecting a metal building to handle the overflow of gear we’ve accumulated over the years and we are thinking about opening a sporting goods / bushcraft store out of all our excess stuff. Our crew consisted of me, Walter (not his real name), Lurlene Sue, and Dan. The only one missing was Gary, Keeper of the Flame and Feuermeister.

After a full day of beer and construction (in that order) we gathered around the campfire for an evening of Jack Daniels, brandy, cigars and good company. We made good use of Dan’s background as a construction stupidentendent (his word, not mine). We also made good use of his half gallon of Jack.

The storage building comes at a particularly auspicious time as Ain’t Leo and I are in the beginning stages of downsizing prior to selling the house. Walter thinks that we should move up to the headquarters with him and Lurlene Sue, but I don’t think that Ain’t Leo is gonna buy off on that idea. She loves Walter, but she says that would be like having two of me and she’s not sure she can handle the extra stress. According to her she is retiring to get away from stress, not double it. I think we’ll have to talk about that one when I get home.

Walter suggested we put the steaks over the coals because the last time he saw his honey she was chasing a possum out of the trash cans. By his reckoning the possum could end up on the table if we didn’t start cooking right then.

The topic of conversation zeroed in on my brand new prescription orthopedic Frankenstein shoes bought and paid for by the Veterans Administration. I was kinda proud of them because they made my feet feel all warm and cozy for the first time in years. Needless to say, this crowd lacks compassion, so I was the butt of the jokes for the night. I guess it gave Walter a break, so I don’t feel too bad about it.

Walter regaled Dan with tales of our early years and set me up to be a lesson in the laws of karma. I’ve come to regret ever bringing up the subject with him because now he uses karma as a way recounting all of the missteps and transgressions of my long and wayward life. By his accounting, I should have been dead years ago and all of the health problems are a payback for our misspent youth.

“Walter,” I said, “you’re giving Dan the wrong idea about me. I’ve cleaned up my act and that’s why I’m only crippled and not dead.”

“Mayhap that is true,” Walter replied, “but karma is bitin’ at your butt like a pit bull after Michael Vick. Why do you think they had to slice, dice and julienne you ’cause of the cancer? Karma. Anyone else woulda had a bottle of chemo and been on down the road.”

I looked around the campfire at the bottles of Jack and brandy and thought that if chemo had been like this it wouldn’t have been so bad. However, on further reflection I figured that they both cause projectile vomiting – although one was way more fun going down than the other.

Walter continued his tale by saying, “Dan, I don’t mean to say that Yak is having a lot of foot problems now, but about six weeks ago Lurlene Sue woke me up out of a sound sleep ’cause she heard something outside. She said it was really loud and reckoned that it mighta been a earthquake. A couple of days later Yak called me and said he had fallen arches, so I told Lurlene Sue that was what she heard.”

While Walter prattled on, I surrounded a healthy dose of pan seared steak, cottage fries and pinto beans. His heckling became a pleasant background noise to my reflection on the blessing of living long enough to enjoy great food, fine friends and faithful dogs. May all of you be blessed with this much good karma.



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