walter care – coming to a city near you

Campfire Around six o’clock last night I was watching the evening news when a thunderous knock on my door startled me. I wasn’t expecting any visitors, so it caught me by surprise.

I opened the door and was surprised to see Lurlene-Sue Golightly in all her sizeable beauty. Nestled in her shadow was my best buddy Walter (not his real name). I was wondering what he was doing so far from the headquarters of the World Problem Solution Society and Coffee Klatch at its undisclosed location in Texas. That’s when I noticed the suitcases.

“Uh, hi Lurlene-Sue. Y’all come on in,” I said. “It’s been a while since I last saw you.”

“Oh, Yak, I hope ya don’t mind us droppin’ in without no notice, but Walter said it would be OK.”

I invited them in and helped Walter drag what appeared to be their entire worldly posessions into the house.

After supper we all gathered in the den and chatted over our evening coffee. As usual, the talk turned to politics and health care. At present those subjects tend to be one and the same.

Over the past couple of years Walter has developed a deep interest in alternative medicine. With the cost of healthcare policies and his distance from a VA medical center, I can certainly undersand his interest.

Last year he graduated from a Chinese medicine program hosted by the Celestial Dragon Martial Arts Studio and Quick Stop in Pluck, TX. His sifu is a 23 year old second generation Chinese guy who got his training listening to his great-granny talk about how she used to treat folks in her village back in China.

Walter has read extensively on Reiki, chiropractic, aroma therapy, healing crystals and mandala healing. He’s tried crystal therapy and Reiki on me with mixed results. As for aroma therapy, if his socks are any indication of the some of the aromas he might be working with, I’ve gotta tell you. I’m gonna pass.

“I’ve gotta do something before that Osamacare puts me out of business,” Walter said.

“Uh, Walter, that’s Obama – not Osama,” I replied.

“Osama, Obama. Those Mulin names are all the same to me.”

“That’s Muslim. Muslin is a fabric. And he claims he’s a Christian.”

Walter would not be diverted from his story, so he said that he and Lurlene-Sue would be staying with us for a few months while he studies another field of alternative medicine. Ain’t Leo and I looked at each other in utter disbelief. While we both love Walter and Lurlene-Sue, we were not even remotely prepared to host them for an indefinite period of time. I’m sure she was thinking the same thing I was. Let’s leave them with the house and we’d go stay at headquarters.

I know that our little home is near a large metropolitan area with a huge medical center and a diverse cultural base, but I didn’t have a clue why he would choose to pursue his medical studies in my backyard. As much as it pained me to do so, I had to ask what his next field of study would be.

“Well, Yak, it’s like this. I’ve been reading a lot lately and I figured this would be a hot spot for what I need to do next. See, y’all have a lot of those gay people living here and most of ‘em seem to be mighty smart. Heck, I hear y’all even have a big neighborhood with a bunch of them living there. I figure that’ll be the place I go next so that I can study their branch of medicine.”

I scratched my aching head and said, “Uh huh. Now what kind of medicine would you be studying in our gay community?”

“I know you ain’t as up to date on the latest trends as I am, Yak, but from what I’ve seen these folks have their very own brand of medicine that’s been around for a long time. I intend to find somebody that will train me just like I did back in Pluck.”

Ain’t Leo glanced at me with her Vulcan look. You know the one where her eyebrows arch up almost to her hairline. I could tell that she wasn’t too sure about what he was talking about since she is not as fluent in Walter-speak as I am. She’s only known him thirty years.

Though it pained me no end, I had to ask what the hell he was talking about.

arthritis-268x300 “Damn, Yak. You can’t be that dumb or blind. You and Ain’t Leo shop at Whole Foods and they have some of the stuff in their medicine section. I seen it myself on the way over here. It’s that homopathic stuff. And I figured there wasn’t no place better to study homopathic cures than in the gay community here.”

I went to the kitchen for a refill of coffee and wondered if it was worth the effort to teach an old dog a new trick. If I tell him that he really means hom-E-opathic medicine, do you think he might return to headquarters and read another book? Or should I just let it run its course?

I can tell you that Ain’t Leo and I will have a lot to talk about over the next couple of days.


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