reading while driving

I am a voracious reader. It’s an addiction that must be fed for several hours each day. If I don’t get my reading fix, I’ve been known to read toothpaste labels, cereal boxes and the occasional newspaper coupon.

The worst time for me is when I’m pulling the travel trailer over long distances. While I love the road trips, sometimes I start jonesing for words on the page (or screen for us Kindlites). Ain’t Leo is quick to remind me that there a strict “no texting while towing” edict in our rig and the Kindle on the steering wheel would get me drawn and quartered. So for those of you who share my addiction I’m going to share my cure.

I collect bumper stickers. In my head. When one stands out — it gets recorded in my journal at the end of the day. Here a just a few of the more choice examples:

“I love animals. . .they taste great!”

“EARTH FIRST! We’ll strip mine the other planets later.”

“Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.”

“Give me ambiguity or give me something else.”

“I wouldn’t be caught dead with a necrophiliac.”

“Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery.”

“Help feed a starving bureaucrat.”

“Today’s subliminal message is: ( ).”

“Ask me about my vow of silence.”

“Nobody’s perfect. Im a Nobody.”

“The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography”

“Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible.”

“Gravity — It’s not just a good idea, it’s the LAW.”

“All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.”

“I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.”

“What happens if you get scared half to death twice?”

“Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!”

“Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.”


“MY CHILD was trustee of the month at ELMWOOD!!”

“I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.”

“I like you, but I don’t want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.”

“Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately it kills all its students.”

“Few women admit their age; few men act it.”

“Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.”

“Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.”

“Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.”

“Cover me! I’m changing lanes.”

“We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.”

“Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.”

“I love cats. . .they taste just like chicken.”

“Atheism is a non-prophet organiztion.”

“Honk if you love peace and quiet.”

“I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.”

These are just of few of the bumper stickers I’ve seen in the past few months. I’ll share more later as I continue my collection of wisdom and witticisms. Feel free to add your favorites in the comments section.

PS – I was in Kroger’s yesterday and saw this wizend little man walking rather unsteadily through the store. His T-shirt read:

An Irishman walked out of a bar.

No, really. . .


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